So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
