My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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