Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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