fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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