GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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