Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
