You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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