Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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