the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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