And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
