You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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