soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
