Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This baby is an asshole
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
