Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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