I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
