cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
