You really coming over, don't trick.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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