Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
