it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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