so explain again why im purple
no
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
