guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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