my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your penis caused this!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize