Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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