all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize