so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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