i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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