OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
