i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
