Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
