Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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