i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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