I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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