Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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