She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
