How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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