The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
