i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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