I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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