I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
