My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Are we still banned from the library?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize