nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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