I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want nice things and good sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
