how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
