i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize