3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
