No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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