I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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