He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
