sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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