You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
