My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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