They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
