would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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