Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
