The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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