whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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