Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
