HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
