My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
