You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
