When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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