I heard we made out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize