Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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