is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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