I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
