you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
