found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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