I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
