He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
