Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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