when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
