peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
