No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize