Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
