i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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