Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize